Last week Portland hit record highs of 100+. I kept thinking all week that this shouldn’t be a big deal-I’m of hearty stock, being a third generation Okie and all, right? Wrong. I cried like a baby. Portland has yet to discover the only thing that makes Oklahoma survivable during the summer, a novel invention called AC. When I moved into my studio apt, now fondly referred to as the “Lovin’ Oven,” I was assured that no apartments in Portland have AC. Some Portlanders even called it “unnecessary.” I’m pretty sure that those same Portlanders cried this week as well. On a relational level, this ridiculous heat almost ruined my new marriage. Confession: I might have snapped at the Bong a couple of times in morning when he tried to hug me goodbye. I’m pretty sure the makeup covered his black eye well though. That’ll teach him to try and hug me again.

Please Weatherman/woman, send a few rain clouds our way. It’s very unlikely I will ever make this request again, so please?